Fool Me Once
by R117
Summary: Fool me once. But can you fool me twice? Piper Chapman and Alex Vause; Is their relationship on the rocks?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Throwing them out. Just another random one shot for y'all.**

 **Prayers go out to Brussels/Belgium. Another tragic event that has occurred because of selfish acts. Stay Safe wherever you are in the world. Don't let these people dictate our lives.**

* * *

"Alex."

"In here."

I follow the sound of her voice. Knowing exactly where I will find her, the same place she has been hanging out for a while now. In her office, and if it isn't the laptop that requires her full attention her head is buried in her phone. So much so that her time for me has become reduced. It feels like it is becoming as little as she can make it. As I much as I keep trying I don't want to pressure her into something she doesn't want to do.

Shock. There she is again. Sitting in front of her open laptop. I laugh as I enter the room. _Why did I think I would see something different? Like she might actually turn around and give me some actual attention? Don't be so stupid Piper._ Of course, she didn't move in the slightest. Apart from her fingers contacting the keys, her eyes remaining fixated on the screen. I edge in slightly further; I remember those times I would be able to stand behind her. Wrap my arms around her frame, those times the attention would be reciprocated. The times she would pull me on to her lap and spin me in her chair. Now. It's a different story. It feels like I am the furthest from her attention.

The last of her thoughts.

I look to the screen to look at what she is doing. That isn't something that I would usually do but the curiosity is building within me, _why is she pushing me out so much?_ I watch an open tab disappear from her screen, and it's like she has finally noticed me in the reflection of the laptop as she beats me to speaking. "What do you want?"

 _Could she be any sweeter?_

Blunt and straight to the point. _Say what you are thinking Al._

I can't hide it much longer and a sarcastic _'Ha'_ leaves my mouth. Taking a seat on the couch that she has on the opposite room. The distance between us now is a portrayal on how I feel. As big as the real thing. I take my time to speak, knowing that she really isn't interested and her attention is not on me. She probably wouldn't hear any the words I say, I could ask for anything and her answer would be yes.

 _Are you cheating on me Al?_ Well wouldn't that be humorous. I can't lie and say that thought hasn't been something that has crossed my mind. I feel guilty for not trusting Alex, but in all of the time that we have been together I have never experienced this.

We all know Alex, and her sex drive. The one that now seems non-existence and well… if she has any hope of something happening she needs to step up her game. I will make her work for this. For me.

I'm not going to be used again. Am I stupid for thinking Alex was different?

Making a fool of myself? _Demanding?_

"What do you want Piper?"

I look up breaking my thoughts. _**Finally**_ , the little people inside of my head are doing dances. _Why am I feeling so pleased to see that she finally turns to me?_ But the scowl on her face quickly changes my mood as she looks to me. Her facial expression etched with frustration. She is growing inpatient with me.

 _Is it too much to just want to talk with my girlfriend? Is that not something people do in relationships now?_

"I…" I stumble with my words. Taken back by the way she is looking at me with disappointment. Like she is bored of me and waiting for me to leave the room. "I… hm… " _I just wanted to talk to you._ "Did you make the reservations for tonight?"

Something we had agreed to make just a short while ago. Alex was determined that she should be the one that made the reservations. She would choose the place. What was it that she said to me? ' _You can trust me Pipes'._ I never had doubt that I couldn't. Until now… Alex always did what she said. Never letting me down. Each time she demanded that she did something for me it gave me butterflies every time. Flutters and I always found it so sweet. To this very day, every time that Alex came home from work, or when I walked in to find her, I got excited. She was, she is the person that is always on mind. I never get bored. Being with Alex excites me… _so why does it have to be this way?_

 _Why does she have to ignore me?_

I watch the expression change on her face. Her eyes divert from me. Something that is becoming frequent between us now, unable to hold her gaze as she looks everywhere but at me. Her eyebrows furrow, her hand comes to run through her hair as she pushes the glasses to sit atop of her head. Her hand reaches to close the lid of the laptop, rising from her seat.

Her eyes catch with my own again. Briefly. As she stands, shifting on the spot between the door and I as it looks as if she is contemplating what choice she is to make. Her hand brushes across her face, stopping at her chin as she holds onto her mouth. Then she opens it, looking at me. I watch patiently, waiting for her to speak. The time that she needs. But she diverts, shifting her body back to look at the door. "Fuck."

She isn't looking at me now. But at the door, and she speaks. "Look Piper…" "I…" There it is again. Her hands running through her hair again as she lifts the glasses from her head.

"I have other plans for tonight." The words come out as fast as she can speak, turning her back to me as she walks out of the door. It takes time for the words to register in my head, before I realise it, she is out of the door and walking away from me. I hear her footsteps fade, the sound of the door to apartment opening…

 _Fuck._

"Alex!"

* * *

She didn't come back. Unfortunately, I didn't make it to the door quick enough as I heard it slam behind her. When I stepped outside she was gone, I was faced with the decision. Give her space and let her go?

I could have chased her there and then, but she wouldn't have left if she had of wanted me to. She would have made those reservations if something wasn't wrong. So I decided against it, deciding not to call Alex. To give her space. She would come back. _I don't know that. This is just hope that I have._

For the time that she has been gone and what I have spent sitting around the apartment, alone, I have not been able to leave my phone alone. Fidgeting nervously as I wander around, looking for things to do, to keep my mind occupied. Constantly turning to my phone. Looking for notifications that I know are not going to come, because she never contacts me like before. Only if she really needs to. I miss those times she would send me random messages, calls that were unexpected. The kind that always made me smile, to know that Alex was thinking of me and then suddenly… it came to an abrupt hold.

A stop.

Like she doesn't need me anymore.

How do I go on knowing, feeling… that is what it has become?

 _I miss Alex._ Why doesn't she miss me too?

* * *

It had been 59 minutes when I had last looked at my phone. Precise I know. But I had nothing to do with my time other than to count the passing minutes. I know it's never a good thing to keep track of time it makes it harder. To except that she is gone. But I waited for her. I keep waiting now. I had managed to use my time to take a soak in the bath, to relax. Well tried. But as expected, what crossed my mind? Alex. It wasn't like she ever left, there was a part of me that hoped this would heal the gaping hole within me. Growing as the time passed.

Just over two hours now and nothing new on my phone, apart from the changing of the time and knowing what I should be doing at this precise moment. But then… she never made the reservations. So again, I find myself sitting back in the couch with a blanket draped over my feet. Flicking through the TV, but nothing that jumps out at me.

 _This is going to be a long weekend._

Having my phone so near, I can not resist the urge to keep checking. Hoping. So I do what I think will help, what is best. Turn off my phone and place it out of view so that I don't go back. So I don't make a mistake and text Alex. I don't want to infuriate her anymore than she already is. But I am thinking of her. I hope she knows it.

But of course, that doesn't work either. Within five short minutes I am picking back up the phone and hoping for messages. I give it time to load, placing it on the arm of the couch beside me, tapping my fingers patiently against the surface as I try to act as if I'm not overly bothered about it. _What a joke that is. Who am I trying to kid?_

I fight the impulse that draws me to the phone, so I leave it. Heading for the kitchen to grab some water to try and erase this sickening feeling. Anxiety building within me. The vibrating that sounds like it is coming from the living room pulls me from my thoughts, making me jump as the apartment is suddenly broken from its silence and filled with sound.

A ringing tone.

 _Alex._

* * *

I rush straight to my phone. Picking it up without looking at the picture on my phone or the caller ID. I don't have time to consider that, I need to speak to Alex.

 _It has to be._

So rushed that I almost drop my phone, but luckily today my quick reaction was point as I manage to catch the phone and place it against my ear before she can end it. I can hear music in the background as I raise it to my ear.

"Alex."

"Babe."

"Where are you?"

I'm speaking to much already, not listening to the frantic voice on the other end of the phone. But I have missed her, _**my Alex**_. Her presence, her voice. Knowing that she has taken her time to call provides me with hope. Excitement. She misses me too. I slow down my own desperate voice, pausing as I take in the sound of the other person's voice. Registering the words that I hear.

Like a thump to the chest, I fall back into the seat. Keeping my phone pressed against my ear. My voice lost. I am barely listening to the constant repeat of my name on the phone. Overwhelmed, no. Dejected. _Alex hadn't thought of me._

"Polly."

I'm barely able to find my voice through the pain that I feel. The disappointment that Alex had not come for me. Just when I had got my hopes up they had been let back down again. _How can I go on like this? Will she ever want me?_

 _How long do I wait before I give in?_

I sit on the edge of the couch, with my head in my hand as Polly's voice becomes concerned, her tone much quieter and gentle. "Piper. What's wrong?" Right at that moment, I want to let it all out. To let go of all the emotion that I am feeling, the hurt, the disappoint. But I don't want to transfer my sorrow onto my best friend, and I know she would be there for me. But I need normality, a conversation that can pull me from these thoughts. From Alex. Here I am thinking of her, whilst she is somewhere unbeknown to me. Probably getting drunk with friends. _Like she cares_.

"Piper are you there?"

I nod my head, like she can see me. Struggling to find a way of keeping this conversation going, without revealing all to Polly. That Alex walked out on me. "I'm just…" I pause. Thinking of what to say that would sound genuine. Do I really want Polly to go on to me about Alex? Trying to reassure when my mind is already filled with doubt. No one knows Alex better than I and I know that she isn't in a rush to come back. Not after the way she walked out. Still with no messages or calls… I clear my throat, making up for the pause so she doesn't question it, "Just tired. It's been a long day." I am not lying about that. Work was tough.

"What did he do this time?" It can only be one of two things, Pete or gossip. It never takes long to figure out why Polly calls. _This girl loves to bitch._ Usually, Alex would be here to distract me, making me cut the phone call with Polly short, or just leaving her speaking to nobody.

Today… it isn't one of those days.

"I just called to see how long you would be." _How long I will be?_ I have no time to question that, as she quickly stops herself, this time her voice louder down the phone. "Piper, why aren't you with Alex?"

 _With Alex?_ I scrunch my face in utter confusion. What does she mean? Has news got out already that Alex walked out on me?

"Polly."

"Piper. Why is Alex drinking with another girl and.…"

 _Drinking with another girl?_ "Another girl!" Are you kidding me? Now I feel anger. She betrayed me. I'm not feeling guilt for cutting Polly short, but I need answers and I need them now. I am demanding. It's not hurt that I feel now, but betrayed. She betrayed me. How dare she. I need to do something with myself, to subside this rage within me. I stand to my feet, pacing the living room… "Polly you better start talking!"

* * *

I'm torn between anger and hurt. No. Fuck. I'm exasperated. How dare she have the audacity to do this to me. To go out and meet another girl, just hours after she left me without any answers. There is only one solution to this. My suspicion is right. Alex is cheating on me. She was never good at the whole relationship thing. Never could stick to one girl. _**Ha**_. What was I thinking from the beginning when it was a toss up between Sylvie and I?

I was a fool. That is exactly what I was.

Fool me once. _But you can't fool me twice._

Why did I believe that Alex Vause could change? The girl who doesn't do relationships. _She is new to whole thing_. _**Ha**_. Of course she is. That or she doesn't know how the whole commitment thing works.

 _How did I fall for this?_

 _Fool._

Fuck you Alex.

* * *

I place my phone across from me. I don't mean it when I say fuck you Alex because I care to much about this situation. Knowing how Alex has been able to do this to me so easily. But isn't she the fool now? Being caught our by my best friend. Did she really think she could do this in public? In a place that we would usually go together? I should have known, I should have realised that I could never trust Alex, but I could. Because Alex has only ever been good to me, until now. I had doubt, but I didn't believe it. I thought of it as my own paranoia. My insecurities. I never accepted it as the truth, or do I want to accept it now. Alex and another woman? Just hours after she walked out on me?

I laugh at how stupid I have been. But it isn't a situation to joke about, because I'm hurt. Trying to hide through the anger that I feel, but its not working. Infuriated? Yes. But because of selfish I am being and how she has played with my heart and my feelings. How did I not see this? I did… but this. It isn't sinking in. Because I don't want to believe it? Maybe so.

I pace back and forth between the coffee table and the chair, trying to understand the situation. What other things it could be. _She wouldn't really do this to me would she?_ But the more that I think about it, it is becoming that she would. She has. She is. Out there with another girl.

I loved this girl.

 _I love this girl._

Accepting the truth is breaking me, I need to do something that will take my mind from it. As far away from Alex. She isn't thinking about me so why am I allowing to occupy my mind? That's right, because she is my fucking girlfriend and as far as she is aware, she has no idea that I know about this secretive life of hers. Couldn't I put out? What? No. Why am I thinking about that? Alex has made a mess of this and now she has to resolve it, but if she thinks she can win be back... that is far from how it is going to be. I don't fall twice.

The vibrating tone from my phone distracts those thoughts. I don't need to question who that is, this time I know. _Polly_. I made the mistake of telling her everything. She wouldn't have let it go and as a best friend she knows me so well. I couldn't hide the truth from her, I mean… what other reason would Alex be drinking with another girl without me? We all know that Polly loves gossip, and how she didn't approve of Alex from the beginning. She doubted our relationship from the very moment I told her my interest in girls and how Alex had wooed me over. I remember that moment very well. I smile faintly thinking about it. The feeling, the excitement. Polly have never been to keen on Alex, but she accepted our relationship eventually, going as far as building a friendship with Alex. For me.

So why did Polly not take advantage of this, to bitch about Alex?

That was the opposite of what she said. Reassuring me, telling me that everything would be okay. I just don't understand how Polly was so sure of this, was she doing it for me? To give me hope that I know I definitely needed. But it is clear what this situation is….

 _She gets bored easily._

 _The charming Alex Vause has to build her numbers._

 _I wonder how different this one is to me?_

 _The phone._ I am suddenly regretting my demand to know more. Why did I ask Polly to do this? To send me an image of Alex and this girl. Is it really something that I want to see? Why am I doing this knowing the effect it will have on me. How it will make me feel. I feel anger, but I feel hurt and I can't deny it. That seeing Alex and her current interest, enjoying another person's company. When I thought of Alex going out for a drink, I didn't think this. I thought of Alex and Nicky, well that goes without saying. Did Nicky put her up to this?

Why am I questioning that? Nicky has always been good to me. In favour of Alex and I's relationship. I know Nicky and I know that she wouldn't do that to us, to me. Plus, its not like she is into the game anymore, she has Lorna.

The phone is reaching out to me, but a part of me is telling me no, the other is screaming yes. Do it. But can I bring myself to see it? Just thinking of brings a lump to my throat, tears to my eyes and a pain in my chest. I am not prepared for this. But I can take back my request, so now I need to deal with it. To view the image….

But I can't.

I can't do it. Not now. Not ever. I don't want to believe it. The image will be a final closure on us. Alex and I, do I want that? Who would I be kidding to say I do. I don't want to be considering that. But unfortunately this is what we have come to.

It's time to go our separate ways.

So I place my phone on the table, erasing the thought from my mind as I walk towards the bedroom. Well only as far as the back of the couch, the curiosity is getting the better of me. I want to see this so bad. So I stop. Observe the phone from a distance. It's looking at me. Come and get me Piper. Tempting. Teasing. So I gave. I give in. Before I know it, I am the one that is now sitting on the coffee table to steady myself as I prepare for what I am about to see.

Clutching my phone in my hand as my thumb hover's over the screen. _You can do this Piper. Don't do it Piper._ My thoughts are battling each other.

I'm struggling for breath over my anxiety as the panic kicks in. _Why am I doing this?_ I run my finger across the screen as it becomes unlocked, the message from Polly instantly loading. I see it, the received image. One that I am hesitant to click on. Afraid of what I will see. I have doubt about my next move, but my fingers answer for me. I slowly look down to my screen and there I see it.

 _Alex and another girl._

* * *

Finally, what I see is something to laugh at. Alex is seated in a booth with a girl, very similar to me. I find humour in the situation that Alex has chosen a replica of me. She really did up her game. Maybe it's the effect that I have on her? She needs something, someone that reminds her of me. Who is the fool now? Alex.

It's not hurt, but anger. I have gone from caring to wanting to be done with her. To show Alex that she can not win in this situation and I will be the on who has the last laugh. But I can't glance away from the picture. Doing what affects me more, looking at the finer detail of the two together.

Blonde hair that falls to her lower back, her hand stretched across the table a small distance apart from Alex's nearing hand. I follow the movement, looking up to Alex's face. The wide smile that adorns her face, the opposite of the gaping hole that I feel in my chest. My emotions fall back to hurt. Jealousy. _How does she look so happy so soon?_

 _How long has this been ongoing?_ I gulp at that thought. Tears well in my eyes, and a stabbing pain in my chest. How is it acceptable to treat me this way? _I have only ever been good to Alex._

I throw my phone across the room. Free of Alex and free of this.

* * *

There is urgency within me as I scurry through the draws, trying to find some clothing, just anything suitable to throw on. I need to get to that bar. To see Alex and this woman for myself. To give her a piece of mind. Answers to what this is all about. How she has the audacity to do this to me. To humiliate me. I thought she was better than that.

I can't. I won't. Alex isn't going to beat me here. So why am I in such a rush to confront her?

Because I want Alex to see me, to feel the pain that I feel. I want to see the guilt on her face. Her happiness turns to sorrow. I want Alex to plead for me. To hear the stupid lies that I know she will come up with. I can't commit. Ha. Don't I know it. Something I wished I had learned sooner because now here I am, suffering. Paying the consequences for a fucked up relationship with Alex.

After two years of us being together you would have thought she would have grown out of these ways. Hooking up with random girls at bars. Settling down. I know the true Alex and I know she isn't bad. I know that she cares, I know that she loves me. Or at least I thought she did. My insecurities kick in as I begin to question what it is that I did wrong. How did I push Alex into this? So far away. Yet she still feels close.

 _Fuck._

Everything in this god damn place reminds me of her. All I can find is Alex's clothes, her shirts that I would once wear. But now… no more. I start throwing across the room as I urgently try to find something that belongs to me, its not like she needs this space now. I can pack her clothes and take them to Nicky. Or I could go one better, take to the bar and embarrass Alex in front of her lady friend. I bet she wouldn't be a fan of that, maybe then she would regret the decisions she makes, starting with walking out on me… without answers. Something that she knows I hate.

I land upon my favourite shirt of Alex's, pulling it to my nose as I catch the smell. It smells just like her. Like home. I scrunch it in my hands, as I continue to hold it closely to my nose, moving it down to hold against my chest. The familiar scent of my Alex.

I forget myself for a moment as I embrace the smell, pulling the shirt over my head as I search for some jeans to put on. The last thing on my mind is my pride, I don't know how much time I have, knowing Alex she has probably already made it home with this girl. Somehow, I think I should attempt to make an effort, to look good so I can make Alex reconsider what she is missing. But then Alex loves my natural beauty as she often puts it. So there you have it. Alex's shirt, black jeans and a leather jacket. A look that reminds me of Alex. My hair is thrown into a bun onto of my head, then I think of the blonde girl. Her perfect locks, I unclip the lock and allow my blonde curls to fall freely. Running my hand through my hair as I pull on my shoes and search for my car keys.

One destination in mind.

 _Alex._

* * *

I call Polly on the way, to let her know that I will be there shortly. She doesn't sound so sure that this is a good idea. Trying to convince me to change my mind and turn back. This is unlike Polly. Its not something she would usually do. Especially if she thinks Alex is cheating on me.

Maybe there is something that she thinks I wouldn't like to see.

Not that I haven't thought about it. The possibilities.

Alex all over that girl.

* * *

I stand in front of the doors, trying to steady my breath as I take long deep breaths. I have a sickening feeling in my stomach as my anxiety impulses. My stomach is grumbling, I feel nauseated. I need to take a seat; my body feels weak. My legs I shaky. I feel dizzy.

I look back to my car in the parking lot, then back to the door. I use my hand to steady myself against the brick wall. Peering through the window. There I see it. Alex. It appears her blonde friend as left her seat. Now I feel encouraged to go in and talk to her. To sit opposite her in the once blondes seat. Wouldn't that be funny. _**Oh Hi Babe. You made those reservations after all then? I will take a margarita please.**_

I force myself through the doors, making quite an entrance as I stop on the other side. I feel all eyes on me, as I glance around. I have already pointed out Alex, but my eyes are searching for the blonde. Maybe she went to restroom, I can't seem to find her. I lock eyes with Polly who is walking over to me. I shake my head, knowing that look and what she has come to do. To talk me out of it. No thank you.

"Piper." She puts her hands of my arm as she tries to guide me out, but I refuse. Applying all strength to my feet as I stay fixed to the spot. "Come on Piper. Don't make a scene. It's not worth it." I laugh, why is she suddenly sticking up for Alex? She tries to take me out again, but I shake of her hand as I look back to Alex's table. She sits alone, looking nervous. Taking a sip from drink. Still no sign of the blonde.

I look around the tables nearby, who do I see? Nicky. What is she doing here? Why didn't she tell me? I thought we were friends. Now I'm really angry. Everyone knows about this but me? Just shows that I really didn't have friends. My best friend is also trying to convince me otherwise.

How encouraging is that?

Is there no one that is on my side? Did they forget that I am not the one meeting up secretly with women, that's _**my girlfriend**_ Alex. Sitting in a booth waiting on the return of her date… but now I am about to make an entrance. I'm sure she will be thrilled to see me.

My feet are moving for me, taking me directly to Alex's table. As I near, she looks up to see the commotion as Polly calls my name and tries to pull me back. Our eyes lock, as she looks to me in shock. She stands from her seat. Her eyes looking around and then back to me. Stumbling with her voice. "P-Piper." Her eyes move to look behind me, her hand once again goes to her hair just like she did before she walked out on me. "W-what are you doing here?"

"I think you have some explaining to do. Don't you **AL?** "

"Polly?" Did she really just ignore me and speak to my best friend? What is happening here? Why are they suddenly acting like best friends when I am standing in front of her. Depending an explanation on what exactly is happening in this situation.

I look back to my friend who just gives her an apologetic look, shrugging her shoulders. I hear Alex mumble a fuck under her breath and my eyes flick back to her. "Yes Alex. FUCK! You want to introduce me to your date?"

"What the fuck Piper?!"

She is raising her voice now. I can only think that is because she is feeling guilty and embarrassed that she has been caught out. _Oops. My bad_. Why didn't I think about Alex's pride before I decided to do this?

"Piper. Come on." Polly's hand is pulling my shoulder. "No Polly. I'm not done here. Alex has some explaining to do." I look Alex directly in the eye, "Don't you Al." I purposely put an arrogant smile on the end of my sentence. Holding my eye contact with Alex. She turns from me. Downing her drink as she slams her glass onto the table.

Her hand runs back through her hair in frustration. _Maybe she should have considered this sooner. That she has a girlfriend back at home._ She bites her lip nervously, shaking her head as she turns back to me. Reaching for my hand like its an acceptable thing to do. I pull back. A sarcastic laugh. I'm not that stupid.

"Where is she?!"

"What are you talking about Piper?"

"Don't lie to me Alex. You know exactly what I mean. The girl that you have are meeting behind my back!"

She throws her head back, running her hands over her face as she lowers her head to look back to me and shakes her head. "Piper listen to me." "Please."

There is something in the sound of her voice that makes me think she is genuine, upset about this to. But Alex is good at lying, good at manipulating. I'm not falling for this. I step away from her as she steps towards me, looking to the floor as I shake my head. Looking back at her.

"I thought I could trust you Alex."

"What does she have that I don't?"

"Pipes."

"No Alex. You lost all rights to call me that when you decided it was okay to cheat on me."

She raises her eyebrows, her hands nervously reaching into her pockets. I don't like that she isn't answering, but just ignoring me. It's bothering me, I feel riled. It's portrayed in my voice as my tone raises and I know I am making quiet a scene as I look to see people looking at me. At us. "Fucking tell me Alex." Being as dramatic as I am, I motion my hand to point to all the people in the room, "Why don't you tell us all your dirty little secrets?"

She looks around at the people then back to me. "Please Piper. Not here."

"Yes Alex. Here. We are waiting."

"I didn't plan for it to be like this Piper."

"It just happened did it Alex? You couldn't stop yourself? Ah diddums."

"You asked for this Piper…".

She got down on one knee.

* * *

 **;)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews, favourites (*favorite) and follows. Alex's perspective as requested by some of you. : )**

* * *

 **Chapter 2.**

I open the door, juggling with the keys and my phone as I keep my eyes fixed on the screen. Briefly breaking contact as I turn my head to close the door quickly behind me. I flick back to look at my phone as I make my way inside, not bothering to stop and take in my surroundings. I have more important things to attend to. Like replying to this message on my phone. I smile to myself as I reread what I have wrote, walking further down the hallway of the apartment. I feel excited, I can't pull myself from the phone as I start to reread the message from the other person. Unaware of where I am walking and who is in front of me until my phone is knocked from my hands and a body bumps into me.

"Hey Babe."

I don't register what she has just said, but I recognise the chuckle that escapes her mouth. I look down at my phone and then up to Piper, she is looking at me with the biggest smile. But it has no effect on me. "Fuck Piper!" I am more concerned about my phone, that she knocked it out of my hands deliberately. Or did she? I was the one that wasn't looking, concentrating on my phone but I instantly take my anger out on her as I crouch to pick up my phone. Standing, I brush my body pass Piper and make my way to the office as I search for my laptop.

I haven't got time for a chat.

There is something that I need to do.

I settle myself into my office chair, as I retrieve my laptop from its sleeve and making myself comfortable at my desk. I open the screen as I wait for it to load. Again, my eyes are back on my phone as I scroll through previous messages. Occupying myself as I spin slightly in my chair as the excitement builds within in me. But my patience with my laptop is becoming short. _Why is it taking so long to load?_ I finally release my phone from my hands, placing it on the desk in front of me. Running my hands over the touchpad on the laptop, trying to do something to wake it up. _Nothing._ Now I am feeling really impatient, _what is going on with this?_ I don't have time to mess around. I have somewhere to be in just a few hours.

 _Fuck._

I push myself back from the desk, getting out of my chair as I begin to throw things around my room, annoyed. Searching for my lead.

"I'm about to make coffee Al. Do you want some?"

I can hear Piper's voice from the kitchen. I don't have time for this. To sit with a cup of coffee and talk about our morning. That is the last thing on my mind, listening to Piper talk about Polly and how she has to get back after lunch.

In my attempt to find the lead I have no luck. Why is this happening to me now? I am already feel the nerves and I still have time before I leave the house.

"Piper!"

She doesn't answer me. So I shout louder. She doesn't answer again. Is she pretending she can't hear me?

I storm towards the door of my office, stopping as I go back for my phone and secure it in my pocket. Not wanting to leave it unattended. I don't know what messages will come through. I storm into the hallway as I make my way into the living room. Pulling out the drawers and carelessly throwing things out behind me as I continue to search for my lead.

"What are you looking for?"

"Where have you put my fucking charger Piper. My laptops dead and I need it."

I don't turn back to look at her as I move to the second and the last draw in our living room. Making a careless mess behind me. Not thinking about how annoyed Piper will be at me for doing so, because right now I am not bothered about that. Or a coffee. Or what Piper is doing behind me. I need this fucking charger now.

"Have you tried the bedroom Al?"

"Quit messing around Piper. I need this god damn lead."

I slam the doors shut as I look behind me. Piper is gone and it frustrates me. She puts these things away and suddenly she doesn't know where is has gone. Does she not realise how important this lead is right now? _Ugh._ I stand to my feet hurriedly, catching my leg on the corner of the coffee table and storm out of the room. _Ouch. Just what I need. A fucking bruise._

Today is not going well.

I slump back down in my chair, loosing my balance slightly. I bang the office door shut behind me, infuriated at not having what I need in front of me. I glance to the clock on my desk, I need this lead now. I have other things to do before I have to leave again. I try the laptop again, slamming my fingers across the keys and tapping on the screen. Still no sign of life.

I throw my head back in the chair. Closing my eyes as I slowly count to ten, trying to calm myself before I attempt to look again. But the opening of my office door disturbs me. I glance from my current position and then back in front of me. Closing my eyes for a second time as I inhale a breath.

"Is this what you are looking for?"

 _Why is she being so sweet?_

I turn in my chair to see Piper holding exactly what I need. My charger. She smiles softly at me as I reach out to grab it. "Thank you." I hold my hand out for a little longer as our fingers brush against the other, I look down at the slight touch and then back up to Piper. She smiles at me again; her eyes have not once left me. I smile back to keep the peace, before I turn in my chair and face my back to her.

"Sorry. But I really need to get on with this."

I hear a very soft okay and watch in my screen as she turns on her heels and leaves the room. I look back over my shoulder as she disappears. Watching as walks out of view, a small smile forms at the corner of my lips and I linger my eyes for a moment longer. I feel guilt.

But it doesn't stop me from turning back to my new functioning screen.

* * *

I get caught up in my own needs that I don't know how long it has been, or do I think of what Piper is doing in the other room. Well not until she steps back into my room, and the placing of a mug and plate next to me disturb me from my actions. "I thought you might like a coffee and sandwich Al."

I clear my throat, looking out of the corner of my eye to see what Piper has made for me. I feel her presence nearing as she lowers her head to me, kissing me on my forehead. I naturally lean my head into the kiss, as her hands move onto my shoulders as she massages slowly. It feels so good. But her body moves to stand behind me, as she continues the touch. Its like something sparks within me as I quickly close my laptop shut and shake Piper's hands of me. "No." It comes out sharper then I should and her hands stop on top of my shoulders.

"You seem stressed Al. What's bothering you?"

 _I need you to go._

She follows her question with wrapping her arms around me from behind. Her hands stopping at my chest and I feel a light kiss on the back of my neck. She doesn't stop there as she moves to behind my ear. I close my eyes shut, this feels so good. But I need to shake of the feeling. This can't go on any further than it has.

"Piper! Stop!"

My voice is harsh and I feel her body jump at my tone. I didn't mean to scare her but this whole affection is bothering me so much. It's false. Or at least on my side it is as I can't give it back. My phone vibrates on the desk next to me, and both our eyes shoot down to it. I quickly turn so it is face down and push Piper off me. Moving my chair further into the desk, hoping she understands what I am hinting at.

"Al."

"Not now Piper. Just go… please."

I hear the sound of her hands slapping her thighs, looking as she gives her head a single nod and for the second time she turns to the door again. This time stopping. As she looks to the floor sadly. "I…" She pauses, moving further out of the door. As she turns to me again. "I have to go back to the store now."

I just simply nod and turn back in my chair as she watches me. The next thing I hear is the sound of keys and the door closing behind her.

* * *

It was a familiar routine. Especially on a Friday, Piper and I would leave for work in the morning parting ways as we got into our own cars. Then meet back up at the apartment at lunch time to talk through our mornings, eat lunch and spend a short amount of time together. But that familiar routine has not quite been the same recently. But it's not Piper that I blame for that but myself.

It's the doubt that I feel. The decisions that I have been contemplating. The things that I have been doing behind her back. Keeping secrets that she has no incline about. I am struggling to look Piper in the eye, to show the attention that I once did because of the regret I have about the choices I have made. The things I have done. Or doing. I can not bring myself to face Piper anymore.

I am taking my anger of my own actions out on Piper and I know that it's the wrong thing to do. It's not fair on Piper and I can see that its hurting her. Watching as I push myself further and further away.

I need to do what is right. Be honest with Piper and end this situation before its too late.

Just this morning I had told Piper I was leaving for work. Without telling her that I would return for lunch. She knows that I finish at lunch on a Friday and work from home, I just didn't feel that I needed to reassure her. Or that I was looking forward to it, because today I had other things to do.

She thought I was going to work. But I wasn't telling the truth. I spent my morning in the company of another person, another woman. I could never admit that to Piper. I struggle to believe it myself.

But it's the truth.

I have been meeting with this person for a while now.

Its been full on from the moment we met. But I'm not going to lie. It excites me. _A Lot._ The feeling I get every time that we meet.

* * *

I move from my office to the living room, choosing to relax on the couch. I have always enjoyed working from home and I have some time to kill before I have to leave again so I decide to make the most of this. Being home alone and not worrying about Piper questioning my actions, what I am doing constantly on my phone and my laptop.

I lay back on the couch, a pillow propping me up as I continue to flick through my phone. Waiting on a message to come through. But my body falls victim of the comfort as I drift off into a sleep. I'm not sure how long it has been, but my phone vibrates and causes me to jump. I search around the couch and floor, struggling to see without my glasses. Pushing them to my face as I search for my phone.

I sit up, my back against the couch as I look to the notification. 1 Missed Call. Just as I go to unlock it rings again. I swipe and unlock. I expect it to be Piper, but its not. The call reminds me of something that I have to do, so I take it into another room. Opening up my laptop and a new tab.

The call finishes just as here the door to the apartment opening. I glance to the time on my screen. _Piper has finished work early. Fuck._ I send a quick message before I hurriedly type out a website out in the search bar, glancing at the door as I wait for page loads. _I have time before Piper enters the room._

Or so I think.

The open door allows me to evaluate her movement, hearing the door of the refrigerator close behind her. _Getting water_. Its what she always does after she comes in from work. I focus back on my screen, clicking on the drop down links on the site as I find the page that I need. I type the details in my phone. _I will confirm the booking later_. A call that I would have made if Piper hadn't have walked in.

"Alex."

"In here."

I didn't have to wait long. I expected what was coming.

I feel the presence of Piper enter the room, one that was much sooner than I thought. She got here quicker than I could close the tab on my screen. _Fuck_. I have a moment of panic as I hear her footsteps walk further into the room. I see her nearing in the reflection of my screen. I shut my eyes, taking a breath. With very little enthusiasm in my voice.

"What do you want?"

As blunt as it may be, I just need Piper to get out of the room. I have things to do and a call to make. Something that I definitely do not want her to see.

 _Leave Piper._

In response I hear a sarcastic laugh from Piper. I know exactly what that is about. She doesn't like that this is how she always finds me. But work pays the bills. That's my excuse, for these days that I have been occupied with other things. Or something. Someone.

It seems as though she accepts it. It gets her off my back. For a while. _Maybe she isn't falling for it so much now._

But she isn't answering me back. By ignoring me she is getting one up on me because she knows how annoyed it makes me. I need to bite my tongue, but I can't stand that she now sits on the couch across from me, knowing I have things to do. Something she has done deliberately to get a reaction from me. I don't want to talk.

"What do you want Piper?"

I bite the inside of my mouth. Turning to look directly at her so she can read my facial expression and see exactly how I feel. My face is etched with frustration; I scowl at Piper. I am impatient. The sooner she tells me what she wants the sooner she can leave the room.

 _Hurry up._

"I…" She starts to speak, but her words come out stumbled. _What is the real reason she is here? Is there anything that she wants to ask me?_ "I… hm…" "Did you make the reservations for tonight?"

I feel a pain in my chest. I forgot to make the reservations that I had planned. All because of this situation and meeting with someone else. I feel the guilt. Now she must know that something isn't quite right and I know that she will begin to question it soon if she isn't already. _Damn_. I can't look at her through the guilt that I feel. I have been caught out. Or close to. _What do I tell her now? How do I get around this?_

I feel the nerves in my stomach, and the grumbling in my stomach. I look everywhere but at Piper. I want to scream and let all of my frustration out. I feel like someone is punching inside of my head, screaming to get out. _Probably the things that I have been hiding_. Piper has only ever been good to me. If there was one thing I should have done was made those reservations. _I care about this woman a lot._ That definitely does not change. I run my hand through my hair as my nerves kick in, furrowing my eyebrows as I try to think of a solution for this. To think of what to say. The right thing to do. _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._ I'm fidgety, pushing my glasses on top of my head. Playing with my hair. Anything that will get my mind working and give me an answer to solve this quickly.

I once wanted Piper out of the room. Now I want out of this place too.

I suddenly feel confined. Enclosed. Trapped. I have got myself in this mess, how the hell do I get out?

I can't seem to remain still. I push down the lid of my laptop, remembering that I don't want Piper to find anything on that. Standing from my chair, I feel fixed to the spot. Not sure on what to do. Where to move. Do I stay? Or do I leave?

I brush my hand across my face to hide my facial expression, holding onto my lips as I think before I speak. "Fuck." _That doesn't answer anything._ She is watching and reading my reactions and it definitely does not look good. _It isn't good_. My gaze keeps flicking between Piper and the door, I want to tell her everything. To confess all. But I want out of this room too. I'm not sure what I should do. I remain fixed on the same spot, "Look Piper…"

"I…"

 _Fuck Alex. Stop being a fucking idiot and just say it._

I run my hands back through my hair again, scratching on my forehead, I move play with my glasses in my hands as I flick my eyes down to the floor. I can barely look at her as the words fall out of my mouth quicker then I can amend them. "I have other plans for tonight." _Coward._ I turn my back and head straight for the door. Running. Not facing my problems or giving her answers. I run. That instantly makes me guilty. _I've messed up._

I hear Piper shout my name just as I open the door. I pause in the door frame, hesitant in what to do. But I can't face my mistakes. Not now.

Closing the door leaves all of my problems behind me.

* * *

I keep walking. My feet lead me. I don't know where I am going or I am going to see but I just need to get out of there. Out of that place. Drink myself to sleep and forget it ever happened. Wipe those thoughts and ideas out of my head. Start fresh. Go back to reality and accept that this was never going to work.

 _What was I thinking?_

 _Who was I kidding?_

I reach inside of my pocket to take out my phone. _I need to cancel my plans for tonight, I am not in the right mind to do this now._ To meet her, I need something to drink. I search around my pocket, not tracing my phone. _Where is it?_ This is not helping with calming down. I search my other pockets and still no luck. _Fuck_. I left it back on my desk. _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

 _Piper._

I'm in a bigger mess now. What if she reads the messages on my phone?

I can't cancel my plans.

I'm really not helping myself.

 _Today is just going to be one of those days. Ugh._

I take my anger out on an empty beer can on the floor, kicking it with such force that I don't see where it lands, just hearing it crash again to the floor. All that seems appealing to me now is the thought of a drink. A large whiskey to help clear my head. _I can face this another time._ But how do I work around cancelling my plans now?

I am going to the bar that I know. The one that I visit often. The bar that I arranged to meet her. I have no other place to go. No other options. Sit in a park and act like a drunk? _Ha._ That would give me the time to myself. Put I don't want to stoop so deep. I definitely do not feel I have reached that level so I am going to have to stick these plans out. Just avoid it if I can. Maybe if I make my mood obvious she will not bother me so much, get the message and leave? Or at least do something else _. God, I hope so_. I'm not ready to face another fucking woman. Not now. Not ever. No. I don't mean that.

I have yet to accept what has happened between myself and Piper.

* * *

I reach the bar, immediately taking a seat. I order a large whiskey as I knock it back. It doesn't feel that good. I look around the bar, it's not so busy yet. I'm early. Well I would be, I did storm out the house. I decide against ordering another drink. Throwing my jacket into a free booth as I make my way to the rest room. Stepping inside a cubicle, I lean my back against the door.

 _This doesn't feel right._

I feel emotional. I feel sick. I feel like a failure and I don't know how to resolve this. I may have just lost the greatest thing to happen to me. _My Piper_. But through my own mistakes. _What rights do I have to feel sad?_ I should have acted like I cared from the beginning and not have done this behind her back.

 _She will never forgive me._

I kick my foot back in the door. Angry at myself. I hear an "oi" come from outside the cubicle and right now, I don't want to be thrown out of the place. It's the only thing that understands me. It doesn't argue back.

I unlock the door to the cubicle after I compose myself, running my hands to straighten out my clothing. I walk to stand in front of the mirror. Washing my hands in the basin, as a familiar voice calls out my name.

"Alex."

 _What? Why is she here? Did Piper send her looking for me?_

I comb my hair with my hand, turning my head to look at Polly. I smile. It's forced. But not because I don't like this girl, because actually, we have been getting on quite well recently. A very flat tone, and a lack of enthusiasm, I give my best impression to act like nothing is wrong.

"Polly."

* * *

I slide into my booth where only my jacket lays. _Finally._ A place where I can sit and have some time for myself, from normality. Or reality. Something that I can not face. I choose this booth deliberately. It is out of the way, a place that I could easily go unnoticed. I can avoid human interaction and drink my sorrows away. Enjoy my own company, and hide from my arranged plans. The plans that I had forgotten about.

I swirl my drink around in the bottom of the bottle. In a world of my own, deep in thought as I think about Piper and how she is probably going crazy that I walked out on her. But I need to distract myself from the thoughts. From hope. I messed up and it will take a long time for Piper to forgive me. Especially not having the answers that she wants.

 _Something that I stupidly didn't figure out._

 _Answers I should have had this morning._

But I don't, and now I am sitting here, alone. My choice. But without Piper, in a bar that we have often visited together. Spent times fooling around to the music, drinking Piper's favourite drinks and eating some of the not so brilliant food. But the memories that we have here have always been funny, they often would be something reflected on. Making fun jokes about.

But now here I am. In a place where I had made plans and skipped making reservations for Piper. I thought I had it all figured out. Everything I wanted and how I was going to make it known, but now… that has backfired on me and I don't quite know how I get myself out of this mess.

I am deep in thought, and lost in playing with the last of the alcohol in the bottle when a loud bang on the table breaks me from my thoughts. A loud voice that I recognise straight away. Nicky. _She found me then._

"Vause! Where's blondie?"

She slides into the booth opposite me. I look up to be greeted by a grin that is too much for my current mood. She nods her head across the room and I instantly follow her direction. To another booth where I see Lorna and a blonde seated. "What's wrong with the usual?"

I shrug my shoulders; my eyes observe the blonde. Blonde locks that fall at her lower back, a petite frame and her face turned away from me. Piper. I turn back round to the table. Finishing the bottle as I place it back on the table. My voice isn't quite as it usually is, that doesn't go unnoticed by Nicky, as she is looking to me with an arched eyebrow and biting on a god damn toothpick. Her finger's tap on the table, waiting for me…

 _This girl can hold a gaze._ "Guess I wanted a change."

"if I didn't know better Vause, I would say you were avoiding me." I just shake my head as she watches me. "I called your phone. I was starting to think blondie had you tied up and you would cancel her plans…" "I like the thought of blondie as a top, but come on Vause she doesn't have you that whipped does she?"

"Fuck you Nicky."

She holds her hands up in surrender, slipping from the booth. She stands, waiting for me to mirror her actions, but I don't. I stay seated. I am not ready to listen to her talk about Piper all evening, I came out for a drink and if I had my phone I would have definitely cancelled those plans. But of course in typical Nicky style, she doesn't stop there. Sliding next to me on the seat as her arm comes around my shoulders. "Chapman will come around. But if not, you know what you have to do…"

She slides from the booth, leaving me seated alone.

"Oh Vause."

I lift my head to Nicky.

"Move yourself over to our booth. You might look like you have friends then."

* * *

I move to a seat at the bar. But I am not really enjoying the drink, I have Nicky that keeps watching and Polly on the other side. I can't seem to get that freedom that I have been looking for at this bar, I am debating if I should go home or not. But then I think of how I left Piper and that I definitely will not be returning home, definitely not now and well… who knows about the future. I am trying to hide how I truthfully feel about this situation, because after all it is me who is to blame. I made the mistakes not Piper. If she did this to me too, would I really forgive her? I know that I would react exactly like she has done with me. I would probably take it one step further and go out drinking… _we know where that leads._

It's funny, that is exactly what I did. Look at me now. In a bar, feeling sorry for myself surrounded by alcohol and girls and a best friend that I am trying to avoid after making plans. It really isn't my day today and I can't think of anything that could add to this.

I'm waiting at the bar as I catch blonde hair in the corner of my eye and the figure coming nearer. I turn my head slightly; I recognise the familiar face that is looking at me. "Alex." She walks closer, closing the distance between us as she stands at my side, her body brushing against mine. I'm not comfortable with this situation, I look around to see whose eyes are on me. Then back to the bar, moving across slightly so there is a distance between us.

"What are you drinking?"

"Nothing. I'm not."

"Drinking alone isn't fun. Let me get you something." She puts her hand on my shoulder, as she turns to the bar and waits for service. "A beer..." She shakes her head, flagging down the bartender. "No you seem like a girl who likes the harder stuff."

"A beer is fine."

* * *

We make small talk at the bar. I am deliberately trying to make the conversation awkward, I don't really want this to be happening. Not now. Not later. I was serious when I said that I wanted time for myself. To evaluate things and find a solution. I have to fight for Piper. To show that she can trust me. I will never make this mistake again. _I don't want to._

"Do you want to go to the booth?"

 _Was she talking to me?_ I look up and she is smiling at me. Stepping back from the bar as she walks, looking over her shoulder back at me, "are you coming?" I am certain she is flirting with me. Trying her hardest to convince me to give in to the small touches that she keeps giving. It's bothering me. But I can't find the energy to make any more mistakes this evening so I do. I follow her. I know as soon as I slip from the stool that I am making the wrong decision. I was just thinking of Piper and how I have already done wrong by lying to her. Now here I am. Sitting with another blonde in a bar, my best friend and her best friend both within the same proximity. Something bad is going to come of this. I just hope that Piper doesn't find out.

I need to tell her what is happening myself.

Is it just a coincidence at how much she reminds me of Piper? Blonde hair and blue eyes, but way too much makeup to be her. Piper was a natural beauty, soft skin. Blue eyes and a smile that warmed my heart. She gave me that feeling of excitement. I always looked forward to coming home to Piper. From the beginning of our relationship it had always been fun. _Where did it go wrong? Why did I take these risks and make the mistake that I did?_

"I think you forgot something earlier. I wanted to get it to you."

Her hands are stretched across the table. I look down to see what she is doing as they come closer to my own. I move back. _What is she doing?_ But her hands seem to close the distance that I have created. I can't help but laugh at this woman and her poor attempts. _Why is she not getting the message?_

"Lorna told me I could find you here."

 _Huh._ I drink from my bottle to break the awkward silence that has formed between us. An intentional one too. As I sit here I am filled with guilt, the way she looks at me isn't quite like Piper. Her eyes aren't blue and don't smile like Piper's. She doesn't give me that feeling… feeling of warmth and contentment. _What are you doing Alex?_ I just simply nod my head. Its all that I can seem to do. Is it because of the guilt I am feeling or because I have no interest in pursuing anything with this girl?

We just sit in silent for a while. I look around me, trying my hardest not to meet her gaze as she too is looking everywhere but me. That progressed quickly. Now it feels awkward. I think I link it, maybe now I can finally get that time on my own. She will take the hint and leave…

On that thought, she leaves. Confirming she is going to the bar.

I don't where that leaves us. But I am hoping she doesn't come back.

* * *

I finally feel like I can breathe again as I slip away from the booth and make my way across the bar. I'm not drinking because I want to, it's not healing anything now. I am doing it because its here, but the little of it. Trying to avoid it and hide from the blonde. I'm not enjoying it. I can't relax. I feel nervous. Nauseated. I am regretting my decision to come to the bar now, I could have chosen another option. As much as I could do without my phone. I slip outside to get some fresh air, leaning my head against the brick wall as I hear the sound of the doors. I glance to see who it is. Praying I have not been followed by that chick.

Polly.

 _It's not that bad._

I look her up and down, trying to work out what it is she wants. There seems that there is no escaping, no time to breathe and think. She is frowning at me, it's not that clear why and then it clicks in my head as she stops in front of me. Watching. Waiting for me to speak. _She has seen me with that other blonde._

 _Fuck. Now Piper definitely knows._

"Polly."

"I don't like what you are doing to Piper Alex. I don't know who that person is and I wasn't going to hide it from her."

I stand forward from the brick wall; my hand is running through my hair again as I try to hide my nerves. I am secretly screaming help inside. I should have known that Polly would take this opportunity to back to Piper with news about me. Although I have been close with Polly recently and she knows details about my plans, I can't help but think that she would love to prove Piper wrong. _That I really wasn't worth it_.

"I sent her an image Alex."

"You did what?!"

 _Fuck. How this is happening?_ I already feel nervous at the thoughts, hurt for hurting Piper. I know she is upset back at home. I definitely am not ready to be confronted by Polly Harper. If there is anyone that I want to point out my mistakes it is definitely not her. _No. No. No._

I can't stay fixed to the spot, moving from the wall as I pace back and forth. With my back turned away from Polly. I stop. It's time to confess all. I turn to look at Polly who is watching me with questioning eyes. I have nothing to hide. I'm not doing wrong. "She approached me Polly!" I'm angry and I think she knows that. My nerves are making my frame of mind much worse than it actually is… I'm not that mad. But I am made. Disappointed that Polly jumped in and automatically she turns to Piper. _Sending her a fucking picture. This is never going to end well… These plans are about to backfire on me._ Why didn't she come to me first? Ask questions and not think that she knows it all. _She always has been a big head trying to tell Piper what to do._ I know that my tone of voice is not helping this situation and I am blaming Polly for my own guilt and feelings. Its wrong of me because she has supported me through decisions that I have had to make.

"It's the lady from the store."

I start walking back to Polly. I need to let go. _Talk._

"I can't seem to get her to leave. She won't leave me alone."

"Tells me I have forgot something this morning…."

I scrunch my face thinking back to the moment in the booth when she told me that. Her hands coming to closer to mine. What was she thinking with that move? _That I would return the gesture and hold her hand back? Ugh._

I stand in front of Polly. I'm worried about what she is thinking and what she has told Piper. By how much this situation has gotten out of control. "I don't know what the fuck she is talking about…" I crouch at the knees as I take a deep breath, staring in front of me. "But all I can think about is Piper…" I can see her in my head. I can see the look on her face. Hurt. Angry. It pains me.

"I feel guilty."

"Ale.." I cut her short. Needing her to know how I have messed up the plans that we had made. "I forgot to call the store Polly… "

Her hand is placed against my back. I don't need sympathy so I stand. Unable to look at her. I just listen as she speaks.

"Alex. I'm sorry. I tried to reassure her. I did… "

"You're not listening Polly…"

"Piper thinks I am meeting with that girl behind her back. Its messed up…"

"I…" My head jolts round to the opening of the bar door expecting to see the blonde walk out again, but its not. Its Pete and he is asking for Polly. It's the wrong timing because I need her to help me. Advice on how I can make this right again. To solve the situation before its too late and Piper doesn't understand.

She looks between me and Pete as she starts to walk away. My facial expression on her face causes her to stop as she watches me panic. "I will call her Alex. I will tell her that I was wrong. That she has nothing to worry about…"

But maybe its too late.

I am left standing alone, outside of the bar. Contemplating my next move. I turn to face the parking lost as the beam of headlights shine directly at me. Effecting my eyesight, I can't make out the car and have no interest on who it is.

I need to get back inside. Get my jacket and leave.

* * *

I walk inside and over to the booth. The first thing that I see is that she is there waiting for me. Sitting in the exact seat that she was before she left. I'm stressed. I don't know the words to say to make her leave, or how to be polite about it. I need her to know what this is. What it can not be. There is somewhere I need to be. I am not thinking of how this may ruin plans, but there are always ways to work around it. Other stores.

I don't sit. But stretch to grab my jacket. I turn my head to see that her eyes are following my every move. She definitely is not getting the hint. I watch as she shows a flirtatious smile to me, or so it seems. I need to put her straight and tell her how it is.

I lift my jacket to sit down. Looking at her as I open my mouth to speak. But she butts in, interrupting me and catching me off guard. "I got you another drink." I follow her motioning down to a drink. "Something stronger." _She said. But I am not falling for it_. "I thought you might need it." _It's not a drink that I need._ I push it away from me. I can't sit on my words much longer and finally I find my voice.

"Look." This time I look at her. Directly in the eye. I want to believe what I am saying. "I don't know what you want from me. But I'm not interested." She lowers her head slightly, with a smile that only irritates me. Like she is not taking in what I am saying. So I turn up the volume of my voice, speaking with irritation. "I have a girlfriend." Maybe now she will get it. "A girlfriend at home that I love very much. This…" I point between us. "Can't go on."

"You need to go."

I stand up from my seat. Putting my jacket on. I feel her hand hold onto my wrist. "Alex."

I turn my head ready to protest. Push her off. "No. You need to leave now and forget this."

I finish pulling on my jacket, turning to leave.

"You forgot this."

I must be an idiot. But I turn back round as she holds out her hand. I haven't forgot nothing. I'm sure she is making up excuses. Her eyes fall to her hands, she looks back up and smiles to me with a nod that is telling me to take it. The curiosity is getting the better of me. So I step forward. But then I realise what I am doing. Stepping back, I shake my head. I'm falling for it. _Making a fool of myself._ "No."

I take small steps as I walk to leave.

"You forgot Piper's ring."

 _Pipers ring? The ring that is no longer worth it? The ring that has not been made?_ I don't fall for it. Continuing to walk further away. I can hear her footsteps behind me. "You forgot to pick it up after the ring sizing."

I stop. Turning on my heel and she is right behind me. I look down at her hand that holds the ring, I reach out as it is placed within the palm of my hand. _Is that what all of this was about?_ I can't find my works as I hold the ring between my fingers. Its weird how much a ring can remind me of Piper. But its so her. Perfect. I had forgot that I had taken her ring this morning without asking. Another part of my guilt. But I had to make it perfect. The ring sizing and a design that I knew Piper would fall in love with.

"Lorna told me I would find you here. I thought you would need the drinks to calm the nerves…"

I don't manage an audible thank you. I just stop, fixed to the spot and stare at the ring. Thinking of what started this all. Hoping that it is worth it. That Piper believes me.

 _Will she?_

* * *

I find my way to a free booth. Sitting down as I keep my eyes on the ring. I smile to myself as I think of the plans. How I had done this by myself, with a small help from Polly. Who of course, she too has been hiding things from Piper. That provides me with a small amount of hope that will believe me. Believe that she can trust me…

All in good time.

I can't hide my grin as I think of what Piper and I could potentially become. Envisioning how beautiful she will look and the importance of the words we will say. I place the ring inside of my pocket. I don't want to lose it and I need to return it to Piper before she has time to question me about it being missing.

I give myself some time to fit and compose myself. In a moment I will go. But a drink is placed in front of me, so I turn my attention to that. Oblivious to what is happening inside of the bar, but I hear Polly's voice and look up to see what is going on. I'm taken back by the figure that walks towards me. I stand, ready to greet her. In a state of confusion. Not quite registering what is happening right now. "P-Piper." Oh no. I look behind her to see that Polly is closely behind. I suddenly feel more nervous than I have been. With a sickening feeling as I look to Polly worriedly. I can hardly get out of my words as I am shocked to see that Piper has made it to the bar. "W-what are you doing here?"

"I think you have some explaining to do. Don't you AL?"

That only means one thing. The picture. I look pass Piper and directly at Polly as I say her name. Searching for confirmation, reassurance. Help. Just something before Piper flips. "Fuck." I didn't mean for it to come out, but of course Piper heard me as stands in front of me raising her voice. "Yes Alex. FUCK! You want to introduce me to your date?" Now I know that she is angry and that is infuriating me. I match the tone of her voice. Mad at myself. Mad at Piper. _Its all going wrong._ "What the fuck Piper?!"

Polly is trying. Pulling on her shoulder but its not working. Piper is not giving in. _Do I blame her? Not really._ "No Polly. I'm not done here. Alex has some explaining to do." She turns back to face me, looking directly into my eyes. This is far from over. "Don't you Al." It's the arrogant smile that she gives to me as she holds our gaze and I can not look her in the eye anymore. I turn back, knocking back my drink. Like it gives me the courage to go on. To face a hurting Piper. I reach out for her hand, forgetting myself. Forgetting that its probably not okay but I want Piper to hear me out. To trust me. But she instantly pulls back from me. Looking me back in the eye. I can see that she is demanding answers and she isn't going to give in easily. "Where is she?!"

"What are you talking about Piper?"

But I know that she already knows. Why am I not being honest? I shouldn't be questioning it. But I'm not in the wrong. I feel guilt, for ruining the plans. But I'm innocent. I just wanted to do something for Piper and the plans have now backfired on me. She will not accept what I have to say. It hurts that Piper will not believe the truth.

"Don't lie to me Alex. You know exactly what I mean. The girl that you have are meeting behind my back!"

I give up. I don't know what it is I have to do. Its hurting me too. I run my hands over my face as I throw my head back in frustration. I shake my head. I need to compose myself now and change my tone. This raised voice isn't working. I need to be patient and give Piper the opportunity to get it all out. I look back to Piper. "Piper listen to me." "Please." I know I am pleading now, but it doesn't bother me. I will fight for Piper and fight for what I know is right.

She steps back from me. "I thought I could trust you Alex." I can hear the pain in her voice. I feel it too. Like a thump to the chest. It breaks me to see that I inflicted this onto Piper. It's not right. It's not fair. If its time that she needs, I will give it her. "What does she have that I don't?"

"Pipes."

"No Alex. You lost all rights to call me that when you decided it was okay to cheat on me."

Cheating on her? Is that what she thinks. I am taken back by the words. Amazed at what I had just heard. I had thought it, but expected it? No. Definitely not to hear it. Probably because a part of me had hoped that Piper wouldn't be thinking that. That she would accept the truth as soon as I told her she has nothing to worry about. But she isn't giving in easy. I can now begin to imagine the thoughts that are going through her head. How angry she really must be. I fucked up this time. That picture she has seen is far from the truth, what really is going on. I raise my eyebrows as she says the words, she is looking at me. With pain in her eyes. I can read her facial expression. If only she knew…

I put my hands inside of my pocket. Clasping the ring as some hope. Contemplating on what I should do. My next move. All of this over something that should have been exciting. Brought happiness to the both of us. But look now. At how it is. "Fucking tell me Alex." She makes me jump. I stop fiddling with the ring in my pocket as I look up to her, watching as she motions her hand around the room pointing out all of the eyes that I now notice are on us. "Why don't you tell us all you dirty little secrets?"

This is too much. All of these people looking at us. Like its some kind of show. We are not here for their entertainment and I certainly do not want to make a fool of myself. Not here and not now. "Please Piper. Not here."

"Yes Alex. Here. We are waiting."

That's it. She asked for it. An answer. To reveal the secret. Probably not the answer she is expecting but I need to do something. I have a ring. It's not the one. But it will have to do. It isn't how I planned this. Hardly romantic. But its my last hope. My only option. "I didn't plan for it to be like this Piper." I grip the ring. Looking at Piper as I move slightly on my feet. Positioning my body directly in front of her.

"It just happened did it Alex? You couldn't stop yourself? Ah diddums."

I take a deep breath. Pulling my hand from out of my pocket. Trying to steady the thump in my chest as I can feel the rapid beats of my heart. "You asked for this Piper…".

I drop to one knee.

She made me do this.

I feel the lump in my throat, as I look up to Piper. She is looking at me with confusion. Shock. "What are you doing Alex?"

I clear my throat. Reaching for her hand. "You asked me to share my dirty little secrets with you Piper." I look around and then back at her, "… and with all of these people… so here it is."

"Al."

"It's not exactly flattering and I know that you would have expected better but you demanded an answer so…." I take her hand and hold out the ring. _Her ring._ "Piper Chapman…."

"What do you say about the ring?"

"Is – Is that my ring Alex?"

I nod. For the first time, I hear her laugh. It sounds so beautiful. I stand to my feet and take her hands. "So what do you say?... can you hold out a little longer?"

* * *

 **Can you?**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: This is definitely the final chapter; I had never expected to write more than one. So there seems to be some confusion with my previous chapter and what is going on, I hope all is explained in this. But I also hope you picked out the hints in Chapter 2.**

* * *

 **Chapter 3**

Alex is on her knee in front of me, her hands are holding onto something that I can only imagine is potentially a ring. What other reason would she be kneeling on the floor in front of me? But I can't help but think that maybe she thinks this can resolve everything, her actions, that girl… is this just a way of winning we back? What is happening right now? I look down at Alex as she is looking up to me, I can see that she is nervous but I'm not sure what this situation is and what I should believe. I am confused, in shock. My facial expression shows just that as my eyes go wide and I wait for answers; answers that she isn't giving me.

"What are you doing Alex?"

I am now more curious than I am angry. I want to stay mad at Alex and not give in, but if this is what I think it is. Where did I go wrong and just how did I come to this conclusion? I should have trusted Alex from the beginning. I do; at least I think I do apart from the role that Polly played in this with sharing the photo. Wait. Was Polly in on this too? Did I completely make a fool of myself and risk messing things up with Alex?

I feel the guilt. I can see that she is nervous. It clearly must be a big thing for her but there are questions that still remain unanswered.

 _Who was the girl?_

 _Why is Alex suddenly getting down on one knee?_

 _How does she think this will resolve everything?_

"You asked me to share my dirty little secrets with you Piper." I can sense the nerves in her voice, its not quite the confidence Alex that I know. I can here the stutter as she struggles to find her words, her hand comes to reach mine. This time I allow her. Her eyes look around the room, at the people that are watching through the commotion I had caused. Not something that I would usually say I like, but I do - or at least then I did. It's not really them that I am thinking about, but Alex and her next move. Faced with the dilemma on what I truthfully believe. "… and with all of these people… so here it is."

"Al."

"It's not exactly flattering and I know that you would have expected better but you demanded an answer so…." What is she doing? She holds my hand and I I look down to our hands entwined together. She holds the ring in front of me. "Piper Chapman…."

Wait. My eyes flick back to the ring. It looks familiar. I try to figure out where I have seen it before, but she speaks again. Like she has recognised the confusion etched on my face. She speaks through a nervous chuckle, but a sound that I have missed hearing. "What do you say about the ring?"

"Is – Is that my ring Alex?"

It finally clicks with me that the ring is my own. Alex had taken it from our home, but why? I furrow my eyes in confusion, looking to Alex who simply responds with a nod and a smug grin. It doesn't answer the question about the woman, but for Alex to have the ring… just maybe she was thinking of proposing. She laughs at me, I look to her questionably and I realise then that she is laughing at me. Those facial expressions that I never realise I am doing; she likes to tease me.

I follow her movement as she comes to stand to her feet, now holding both of my hands. _She hasn't asked the question. What is she doing?_

"So what do you say?... can you hold out a little longer?"

I am not sure if the ring I am seeing is mine or not. No matter how many times I look at it and the familiarity I can't accept it as my own. Why would Alex take my ring and get down on one knee with it? I didn't think Alex was tight, or that she would use a ring from home for something like this. I am in utter confusion at what I see. Undecided on if I believe that ring is my own or not. Partly because I am hoping it is not and that Alex has made an effort for this moment, not doing it as a spare of the moment thing. I scrunch my face is confusion, struggling to understand the meaning of the situation.

I shake my head, trying to clear the doubt. But my face is etched with utter confusion and I can see Alex's face mirror me. "I don't understand Alex."

"Is-Is this…"

"It's all pre-planned Piper, you just have…" She laughs at me, but I can sense that there is some hesitancy in her voice. "You have terrible timing. This." She pauses. Looking at the ring and around her before her eyes land back on me. "This is not quite how I imagined it to be."

"Al."

I can barely hear my own voice so I'm not sure how she does, but its like she is drawn to the sound of my voice as her eyes quickly flick back up to me. She smiles at me and takes the opportunity of my frozen stance to brush a strand of my hair behind my ear, stroking my face as she does. "You kind of ruined the surprise. But…"

I can hear the joking tone in her voice and I have understood what she is saying. Or at least I think I have. But, my curiosity is building within. I need answers and until then I am not going to give in. "Alex." My voice is a little harsher this time, but I need Alex to know that I am serious and if that's what it takes to get her full attention then that is what it will be. It does the trick too, because she straightens her face and her whole attention is on me.

"Yes?"

"Why do you have my ring?"

* * *

I never doubted that Piper wouldn't ask questions. I was always prepared to give answers, or so I told myself. I had not expected that piper would turn up and ruin the moment. Something that has clearly taken me back. I have to see the humour in it, but I probably find myself laughing a lot too because I am feeling nervous. Nervous about what to expect from Piper and the proposed question that I very nearly just asked. But something inside me told me not to, that I should wait. Now isn't the right moment and definitely not how I had planned to. I have a lot of explaining to do, and for now it seems that I have Piper on my side despite the look of confusion that completes her face; I need to tell her all. The plans that I had made and how we had come to this situation. I just hope that she believes the truth, accepts what it is that I was prepared to do and not just a cover up for my mistakes.

My feelings and actions are sincere. But what is most important to me now is winning my Piper back before I can ever contemplate the future.

I look around the room as she asks me a question, debating on what I should do and if this is the correct time and place to sit and talk things out. In a bar with an audience? All eyes appear to be on us, or on Piper. I can see people talking, probably confused at what they had just witnessed and why Piper hadn't given me an answer; but more obviously. Why didn't I ask the question? I did not plan this as evening entertainment, or to share a moment that should be special between Piper and I, so those wandering eyes can keep on wanting. I am not feeling that they should take a front row seat as Piper and I sort out our problems.

I turn back to Piper who is waiting for an answer patiently, looking between her and the bar and then my eyes land upon Nicky who also now seems to a participating in the crowd of eyes on us. This is all I need. Nicky and her loud mouth.

My head is instantly screaming drink. But my heart is screaming Piper.

I come up with a decision. An idea; but unfortunately one that will leave Piper unanswered. So I have to think quickly. I take hold of Piper's hand and without reasoning walk over to the door. I look back at Nicky who has a look on her face, one that I can imagine is thinking the complete opposite of this situation. I am not taking Piper for a walk, but outside. For air, to breathe and some space for the two of us.

But that was only has far as my quick thinking went, because I have no idea on the path that we are taking, I just walk. Allowing my feet to the lead the way and Piper at my side. Whose hand has now left mine as we walk with a distance between us. I am fighting the urge to reach out for her, to wrap my around her frame and pull her closer into me. The night is cold and I would love nothing more than to give Piper the warmth that I know she needs.

I am broke from my thoughts when Piper says my name. My neck pulls as I quickly jolt round to look to Piper. To give her my full attention, knowing that, that is where I have been going wrong. "Where are we going?"

"I – I " I look down to the floor, embarrassed at my inability to answer yet another question. But I feel Piper's hand and my arm and it brings my gaze back to hers as we stand at the road. Looking to each other as I search for answers. My voice is hesitant, my head is hurting and I fear that I am digging a bigger hole for myself as I go deeper into this situation. "I – We are going for a walk." I look back down, thinking that the answer was not good enough. Fearing of the questions that were to follow. But Piper's arm links with mine, and a very soft okay fills the silence that I had left. We are still yet to cross the road as I turn my head to look back at Piper thinking that she isn't look at me. But a smile is on her face and damn she looks so cute. I want to take into my arms and kiss her deeply. For Piper to feel my sincere apology but I know that I have now set boundaries that I can not cross so I resist that urge. Putting my hands inside my leather pockets. The contact of our arms linked will be enough.

We start our journey of the unknown, walking down a busy street, dodging people and avoiding cars. We walk in silence, listening to the traffic and the capturing the odd lines of conversation from time to time. Sometimes we fill the silence with a laugh at what we hear, but that is only as far as we have come for conversation.

I feel the responsibility to say something, but truthfully I am enjoying the stroll in the dark with Piper at my side. Her grip tightening and her body coming closer and closer. I feel protective of her, and I think that Piper likes that its me who she is sharing this moment with.

I have been lost in the moment that I have not been aware of my surroundings. I quickly glance up, seeing a familiar place that I know. I suddenly have a thought and I can not help but hide the smile that now spreads across my face. I look down at Piper, as she looks around us and then up to me with a questioning look. Probably because I am now pulling her across the road and into Storky's; leaving her with instructions to wait on our burgers as I leave unknown. Heading to a nearby store to grab a 40oz bottle of Colt 45.

 _Perfect._

* * *

This time I take Piper's hand as I hold onto the paper bag; the only way to consume Colt 45 was my exact thought as I purchased the Malt Liquor. I am leading Piper to a spot that holds many memories for us, this time I have answers for the questions that I expected to come but Piper has been surprisingly quiet as she holds our burgers to her chest seeking some extra warmth. I couldn't resist the urge to bring Piper here when I noticed our location; it feels like a clever idea. This is place is special, and the contents of our bags take us back to the beginning of our relationship. A place we once found ourselves. I look to Piper as we near the location, I can see that she is alert to the surroundings and then suddenly there is a spark within her as her eyes lit up. Like it has clicked; she recognises where she is. I can't hide my smile as I watch her bite onto her lip, trying her very hardest to consume the smile that is growing.

I just remain silent. Turning to focus my eyes in front us, smiling to myself as I think this idea is one that may finally be working for us.

"Al."

I know what's coming. I don't respond, my hand just squeezes Piper's tighter; encouragement to go on.

"Our Pier?"

The smile spreads across my face as I look down to Piper and give her a quick nod. I snatch the bag from her hand as I run down the pier. "Come on! Our burgers are getting cold." I quickly look back to Piper who is standing with a huge smile on her face. I feel nervous, but excited. _This is our place. Williamsburg Waterfront; North 5_ _th_ _Street Pier._ I don't care about the people around us, right now my mind is set on making things up to Piper and if this makes her smile then so be it. _I would do anything to see that smile and hear that laugh time after time._ I turn my back, leaning against the barrier at the end of the pier as I look to Piper walking towards me.

She smiles at me as she nears, I open the bottle of liquor and take a drink, offering the bag to Piper as she stands in front of me. I watch her facial expression, the exact same reaction that she had when she first ever tried colt 45. But I don't say anything, choosing to slide down the barrier and sit on the pier.

"Fuck Alex. Remind me why we drink this thing?!"

She wipes her mouth, handing the bag to me as she moves to sit beside me. We sit in silence, the bag between us as we eat our burgers. I look to Piper; she looks just as she did the first time we were here. In this exact spot. _Beautiful. The same girl that I feel in love with._ She catches me looking at her, and her eyes meet mine but neither of us pull back and I think this is the longest we have held our gaze today. I want to lean in and kiss her so much, but I know that its not the right time. So I take a bite from my burger as we chuckle at the same thing; my ladylike manners.

A silence falls between us and I keep my eyes locked with Piper's. I can see a glint in her eyes, as she looks between my lips and eyes. _I want to kiss her so much._ But my mind keeps reminding of where we are at the what we are yet to discuss. I watch Piper, she seems shy. I can see the hesitancy in her, I know the look all too well. I watch as she swallows, it gives me hope that she is feeling the urge to kiss me too. That maybe she isn't so mad at me. She turns her head to look at the scenery behind us, the view of Manhattan in the distance. I look to my hands as I try to distract myself. Take my mind to other places and not thinking of how much I want Piper.

"Do you remember the first time we were here?"

My head jolts up as I hear Piper's voice. Just enough to catch Piper shaking her head as a giggle follows what she has just said. I smile as I watch her, then suddenly is looking at me. Watching me look at her in complete awe, I blush slightly acting like a teenager who has just been caught staring at their crush. But it just comes naturally to me. To absorb the beauty that is Piper.

I smile, nodding my head. "I do."

Her hand reaches for my face as she runs the pad of her thumb across my cheek. I feel myself leaning into the touch. It feels right, being here with Piper. For now, this will be enough. I look to Piper as she continues the affection, she again is looking back at me. It seems that neither of us can pull away. I read her expression and enjoy how the light is reflecting on her face. Highlighting her blue eyes. I can see the smile, but I can also see sadness and it pains me to know that I am the cause of this. I want to make things right. But I know that I have to respect Piper, and wait for her to move to me. So I keep the distance. Just watching her. Her facial expression softens and her eyes divert from me to look down.

Her hand leaves my cheek. The suddenly, a greater distance comes between us.

I gulp. I am sure she hears me as her eyes flick back up and then away from me. I move to the play with the bottom of my jeans, thinking back to the first time we were here. I can't hide the smile and the memories that I will forever keep.

"The first time you tried Malt Liquor." My laugh is louder than I anticipated for it to be, but it catches Piper attention as I can feel her eyes on me. But I don't look round. I just focus on the view in front of us. Smiling to myself as I speak. "Your reaction hasn't changed kid."

I can feel the glare from her eyes at the mention of kid. Something that I often use to tease her, usually earning me a push. But not this time, because things aren't quite the same. I turn to look at her furrowed eyebrows and can't help but smirk at her reaction, her facial expression drops and we laugh together. Followed by a pout that is too much for me. I instantaneously run my thumb across her pouted lips. "Some change from that fancy Italian wine you drink huh?"

"You said that to me the first time."

"You remembered… "

"Like I would ever forget it. I couldn't get that taste out my mouth for months."

"You have never been able to handle the hard stuff…"

"Hey!"

I turn to Piper as she nudges me in the side. Laughing at her actions and the reappearance of the pout.

"I drink shots now."

I throw my head back laughing. Thinking of Piper and the first time we ever did shots together. You can imagine how it turned out with Nicky's involvement, we always talk about how that was one of our favourite nights. How I had to play nurse to Piper in the morning has she suffered a hangover.

I look my side as I finally stop laughing. I can see the toothy grin on her face, she's beaming. It's so nice to see. I place my arms behind me as I use them for support, keeping my head turned to Piper not able to take my eyes from her. We fall short of conversation again. But I will never get tired of just sitting watching Piper and her ever changing facial expressions that she argues she does not do.

A moment passes between us.

Silence.

I turn my head back to look at the view. Just then, I thought we were on to something. Watching Piper's wide smile and my laughter. It was like nothing has changed between us. Like is was meant to be, just enjoying the company of each other and how easy it always been to talk.

I close my eyes and swallow the lump in my throat as I feel the emotions build within me and the tears fill my eyes. I take deep breaths as I try to steady my emotions and compose myself.

"I… I…"

I keep my eyes shut as I hear the sound of Piper's stutter. I can't bring myself to face her just yet. I am overwhelmed by guilt, angry at myself for being upset when I inflicted all this hurt on Piper. I have no rights to be on the verge of tears. But I am scared to open my eyes and see the sorrow in Piper's. The fear that I will not make this right and she isn't going to hear me out; the words I have to say.

I figure its time that I talk. To answer all that she has been waiting for. I sit up straight, crossing my legs in front of me. Hoping my eyes as I inhale a deep breath, opening my mouth to speak.

"This was the first time I told you I love you…"

My head shoots round as I look to be met with Piper looking at me sincerely. Her own eyes are tearful, but there is a small smile on her lips. I reciprocate it, as I follow the movement of her eyes that are now scanning my own. A look of concern etched on her face as I realise what it is that she is seeing. My own tearful eyes. I wipe my ears and act no further on it, as I look to Piper and think of what she has just told me. The exact place that we sit was the first time we shared those three important words, something that I never shared with a girl before; other than my Mom. Words that come naturally, and from then I have found myself falling harder and deeper in love with this girl. For the sake of one mistake; a lie. I have potentially risked loosing all of this.

"That hasn't changed."

I close my eyes briefly. Opening them back up to see that Piper is still looking at me. I feel my breath catch in my throat, and my heart beat rapidly. Like the first time we here and nerves took over me. But how it put everything into perspective and from there it was always easy. It feels like a replica of that. A repeat of my favourite memory.

"I love you Piper."

"I love you so fucking much!"

I can't look at her facial expression, it's a stab to my chest when I don't hear it back almost immediately. I close my eyes. Turning my head from Piper. I feel mixed emotions. Like a weight has been lifted of my shoulder, for revealing the words and letting Piper know that is how I feel. That nothing has changed; nothing has come between us. But then there is a part of me that wants to scream. Its unlike Piper to not say it back. This side of me that fears the worst. That part that aches for Piper. For touch and for love; for the distance that has fallen between us and how I have played the conductor in that.

* * *

I reach for the bag, taking a large drink from the bottle. Piper is right. The taste is nasty. But it helps to ease this god damn feeling that I have. I offer the Piper the bag without looking and I feel her take it from me. I move to rest my hands in my lap, opening my eyes and focusing directly in front of me. I hear the sound of the bag hitting the pier, I look down to see that Piper is not drinking from it, but shuffling closer to me. I turn my head slightly and watch as Piper's arm links with mine and her body comes pressed against my own. Her head falls on my shoulder. We sit like that for a moment, looking in front of us. I don't want to push Piper any further, so I give her the space that she needs. Choosing not to say anything and wait for Piper to speak.

I'm not sure how long we have been like this, but I have become lost in the touch. I rest my head upon Piper's and forget the current situation that we are in until Piper speaks up.

"Why do you have my ring?"

it's a question that completely knocks me back. I remove my head from Pipers as I sit up. But she doesn't move, keeping herself close to me. I seek comfort in that. It encourages to me go on.

I can't bring myself to look at Piper, through the guilt that I feel. I'm scared of what she is thinking and what she thought of the situation. Something that spiralled out of control, a plan that backfired on me. Now I sit and face the consequences; the hardest of them all accepting how I have hurt Piper in all of this.

I grip my hair atop of my head and lower my head, mad at myself. It feels like every time she asks the question, I'm not able to speak. Like now, I can't find my voice. But I can feel Piper's body lose contact with mine and I know that the longer I avoid this, the harder it will be. I am making it worse for myself, its really not as bad as it seems.

We are sitting in silence because I have lost my voice. For someone who has lots of confidence, it has disappeared now. Something that Piper has changed about me. Brought out a side of me that I never thought I would show to the world. But here I am, defeated by my feelings. Sad, hurt but happy to have Piper at my side. I don't know how it become this, or why I distanced myself from Piper. But I know the one thing that I want through all of this; the same thing that I have from the first time I brought Piper here.

My future. I want it to be how it has been from then. Piper and I, inseparable.

"Alex…"

"It's not what you think."

I finally turn to Piper. _Why do I have the rights to feel like this? The guilt and the lies._ "All this has got out of hand Piper. It's messed up… and now I can't surp…." I can barely hear my voice through the guilt in my voice, I have to pause to take a breath. Thinking of what I was just about to say. _A surprise_. That's all that it was. But then there was the lie, the meeting with other people behind her back; how will she ever believe me? "What you saw back there… It wasn't what you think… what it looked like… it's… "

I'm cut short by Piper's voice as she jumps in, her tone mirroring mine. It's soft, it's gentle but questioning. _She needs answers_. "How did you get my ring Alex?" Now I know that there is no way of avoiding it. I look to Piper, I can the impatience growing, The change on her face. Her eyebrows furrowed and a puzzled look; "A ring from our home."

"I… I took it."

"Without asking?"

I can hear the sharp tone in her voice like she is angry with me. I understand why, but that's not what it was, or how it seems. I took the ring, but for good reasoning. My actions were genuine, and for good reasoning. "I didn't think you would notice." I run my hand through my hair, it's a gesture that I find comfort in. To attempt to subside my growing nerves and Piper's anticipation; I have to be open and honest with her. Even if that steps on my pride, and reveals all the secrets I have had. I am not sure what Piper expects from me, but its something and its answers that she needs. I understand the fury in her voice.

"So you thought you could just take it?"

I can't look at Piper now. She is thinking the worse, not hearing me out. Does she really think that I would take from her; does she suddenly think so little of me? I clearly hadn't thought this through and what was to follow because of my actions.

"I didn't really think Piper."

A small sarcastic laugh leaves her mouth. Maybe it is because of the raised tone in my voice, the frustration that is building within in because I am starting to think that she will never believe me. She definitely isn't taking me seriously.

"No?" There is a pause between her words. That questioning no, it's the answer to all that I had been thinking. That indeed I was right and Piper doesn't believe me. But why?... "So that thing at the bar…"

"I meant it."

"With my ring?"

 _Fuck. No. Not with your god damn ring._ I take a deep breath as I try to compose myself not wanting to let my frustration give way and let Piper win. I haven't done wrong. I'm trying my hardest to explain the situation without revealing all that I wanted to keep hidden; all that I had planned for Piper to make this special for her. Now its all going wrong. Backfiring on me and I don't know how I can work around this without revealing all. If it has to be that then so be it, but all this could have been prevented and now… the surprise. Was it really worth it?

I shake my head, with a very silent "No." Because that isn't how I had planned for it to be. Or the purpose of Piper's ring that had been handed to me. I had no intentions of Piper finding out about the missing ring, only taking it for my own purposes and Piper's benefit. To save me time, to have this over soon.

For my benefit; so that I don't have time to go into panic mode and allow my nerves to change my mind.

"So what then Alex? You did it because you thought it would resolve everything?"

 _Fuck._ "Not at all Piper." Why is she being like this? Acting like she doesn't know what this really is. Doesn't she believe that my actions were sincere? That indeed this is I wanted, if only she had been patient, maybe we could have avoided this.

I don't like how she is doubting me. It is stirring something inside of me and I am trying my hardest to keep my cool, but the more she responds through annoyance the harder it is to not burst and shout out to her. "Don't act like you don't know what it means Piper"

"I… I took the ring for sizing Pipes."

 _Pipes. Made move Alex. Fuck._ I bury my face into my hands, closing my eyes at the use of her nickname. Expecting to hear Piper tell me that I can't call her that, not now, not ever. But what I hear is much more gentle, curious. Inquisitive. The opposite of what I had been expecting to come.

"Sizing?"

 _Definitely far from an angry Piper._ Finally, it feels like something is clicking. My voice is suddenly much calmer. "Yes. But you have a thing for bad timing."

"You were with another woman Al… "

 _Fuck Piper. Fucking Polly._

"Fucking Polly! It's not what you think it is."

"So what is it?" Fucking Piper and those sarcastic laughs. They are really getting to me. "You took my ring for another woman?"

I'm not sure how I keep this calm act up much longer. I have nothing to hide; or at least not what she thinks. Fucking Polly. She was aware of this, I took her advice and she sends that photograph. Remind me to thank her. For fucking up things with Piper, because now she isn't stopping. Her questions keep on coming.

"Fuck No! Don't be stupid Piper." I have to do something with myself so I stand to my feet. Walking to lean against the barrier as I look down to the water. "I was… I have… a ring. I have a ring Piper. Just… I… I wanted to make this perfect."

"So you took my ring for…"

"For sizing Piper." I push myself off the barrier, turning round. I look down the pier and it doesn't seem so busy. Only a few people who look happy, taking in the view. Then there is Piper and I, at the end of the pier arguing about a fucking ring. Or a woman, because of her stupid friend Polly who couldn't keep quiet. I look down to Piper as she stands from the floor, I keep my eyes on her as she walks to stand next to me. Facing in opposite directions. "it's all gone wrong Piper. I did it because I wanted it to fit… the ring."

"Al…"

"No." I shake my head. "You aren't listening me to Piper."

"I had never meant for this to hurt you."

"I thought..."

"I know what you thought Piper. You thought I was cheating with that woman." Just that thought makes my stomach churn. I feel sick. Why does she think so little of me? I can't… I wouldn't. Its too much, I need an escape route. But I can't run, not without talking. So I walk. Walk down the pier leaving Piper standing behind me confused. Watching my movement. I walk as far as a bench, before I sit. Looking to Piper as I lower my head to my hands. Resting my elbows on my knees. It's a while before Piper joins me, but when she does she sits beside me. I feel her arm placed on my back, I look round to see that she is sitting closely to me. With a sincere look, an apologetic look. But she has nothing to apologise for; I caused this. If it was me in her shoes, I would have reacted the same. Questioned everything. Fuck. Would I have stuck around? Probably not. I owe her that.

"Alex…"

"I wouldn't do it to you Pipes."

"Never."

"Who was she?"

"She worked at the store."

"The store?"

I nod my head. Look at Piper; "Yes. She turned up. What you saw was… she was handing me your ring. The ring from home."

I reach into my pocket, taking out the ring as I hand it to Piper. I watch as she holds it in the palm of her hands, her eyes looking down at it questionably. Her eyes don't flicker back up to me, but I steady her every movement as she holds the rings with her fingers. She runs her thumb across the diamonds, "She had my ring." It's hardly a question. More of statement. Something that she struggles to accept as she processes the thought in her head. I feel a pang in my chest, as I reach out to rest my hand on her wrist as her eyes are fixated on the ring. For a moment, she is silent. I just watch, not knowing what to say but waiting for the next question, and it comes. Shortly after. Piper's eyes flick round to mine, looking down to my hand on her wrist and back to the ring. "She was flirting with you Al."

"I know." It's all I can say. Because Piper is right, she was. To my dismay. I made some mistakes tonight by accepting to take her drink, but I wasn't thinking. My head was a mess, it still is. I thought it was the easy way out to stop the woman from bothering me. All I had wanted was a quiet time, to drink alone and think of Piper. But it all got ruined and I have no real explanation for the actions of the blonde woman, just that I had no interest and she definitely wasn't my Piper. "I didn't insinuate it Babe. She come to me…" I move my hand from her wrist to her face, running my thumb across her cheek as I capture a fallen tear. Moving her hair from her face, "I promise I didn't want it. All I did was take a drink… thinking it would give me an easy way out of talking to her. She definitely didn't have the wow factor that you have… she wasn't my Piper." A small smile appears on her face as she leans further into my hand. I feel a smile spread on my face at the small gesture. "She didn't drink Margarita's… definitely not for me."

I hear a small chuckle leave her mouth, with that I take my hand to cover hers and she turns to look at me. "She didn't mean anything Al?"

I shake my head. Definitely not. It wasn't what it appeared to be. "She brought me your ring. I forgot to pick it up apparently… the excitement was overwhelming and I was busy thinking about other things."

"The ring…"

"It's back in safe hands now. I promise I won't take it without permission again."

She shakes her head. Handing my back the ring as she holds her hand. I scrunch my face, not knowing what she means. But it clicks, so I take hold of her right hand and slide it onto her fingers. Kissing her hand as I lift my head back up to Piper, whose eyes are back on the ring. "The other one." She looks back up to me, "Where is it?"

I feel a grin of my face and Piper's eyebrow arch questionably. "Piper."

"Yeah?"

I lift her chin with my finger so our eyes are locked together. "Can you do something for me?"

She gives me a small nod.

"Hold that thought. Meet me here tomorrow? Evening… I will arrange for Nicky to pick you up."

"Just trust me please. I promise I will have answers tomorrow."

"Okay." Her head moves further to mine, as she rests her forehead against my own. Our lips only a small distance apart. I close my eyes at the closeness, how nice it feels to have Piper so near and hopefully on my side. Believing me. "Tomorrow Al…" I smile. Opening my eyes to be met with blue. "I'm sorry Piper."

* * *

The idea was something that I had for a while. For a long time now I had been thinking of taking my relationship with Piper that step further. But I wanted to make it special. It was something that I would never have imagined I would do; but there are no doubts about how I feel about Piper and where I want to be. It feels like the right thing to do. Therefore, I wanted to make it perfect. If you had asked me a while back, before Piper if I had ever imagined having a girlfriend; and marriage I would have certainly wasted no time in rejecting that idea. Definitely not something I was ever interested in, the furthest thing from my mind. I never imagined that I would be settled, living with a girl and in love. She is really bringing out a cheesy side in me, something I myself I didn't know I have. But I am smitten. I just know that Piper is the one, when I look at her she gives me that excited feeling all over again. A feeling that I know I will never get bored of, the feeling of contentment. I look forward to her coming home. But as the time neared and my plans come together, the nerves started to build within me. I was trying my hardest to keep Piper from not knowing the plans that I had; going as far as using Polly to help me on this. Which thankfully she did.

I know Piper so well; I know what she likes. But I had this idea, a memory that we share and I wanted to incorporate it into this special moment. A memory that we can hold forever, in the form of a ring. A creative side coming out of me that I didn't know I had, but I got excited when the thought came to me. I wanted to to make this unique, definitely something that Piper would not be expecting. I didn't go as far as telling Nicky, wanting to keep it as quiet as possible. I had started researching plans, emailing people and looking at various websites through my phone and laptop. I could see that I had become more drawn to my phone over the process of planning something that Piper had started to question, but I had never thought about what she would potentially be thinking. My excuse was always work or looking on the internet. At first I think she believed me, but then has things picked up and I started to move in on my plans, our relationship took a turn for the worse.

I lived with the fear that Piper would walk in on me and catch the plans, that everything would be ruined and that thought scared me.

I was torn between excitement and nerves. The nerves pushing me away from Piper. The researching and planning limiting my time. But I had to remind myself that it would all come together. That I could make this work for Piper. For us, and for our future. The next step to progression for our relationship.

There was a day when Piper was at work so I used that to advantage, taking a ring that she would once wear before I bought her one early into our relationship as a small gift. Now it sits safely away, but I know that it will give me exactly what I need. Sizing. I wanted to make sure that I got it perfect, the correct size ring. Something that was a major importance because one I got the ring there was no going back. It took several weeks of planning, time and patience. But today reminds me of why it was worth it and I can only hope for a happy ending.

I look down to the box that I hold in my hands. The ring that I had made especially for Piper. One that I know no other person will own. One of a kind, that reflects to one of our favourite shared memories. Three special words engraved on the inside; I heart you. A flash to the past and words we often share with each other and laugh about. Words that I keep close to my heart, a memory that I shall forever keep and one that I wish for Piper to be reminded of each time she looks down to the ring.

There is not a price on true happiness or love; but I really hope that my idea to have a ring made to fit Piper would truly make her happy. I have opted for a minimal design, the engraving on the inside, made from silver with a cross over made up of diamond that represents infinity. A representation of the commitment that I want to give to Piper. A portrayal of Piper's one and only tattoo. Something that connects us together.

This is not how I had planned for it to be. But yesterday on the pier with Piper and quick thinking I knew then that this is what it had to be. To give Piper that answers that she had been wanting from me. The second ring that she had questioned just yesterday evening. I have it planned.

The size of the ring matches with the ring that I had took from our own. All that remained was for me to collect it early this morning. Exactly what I had planned to do if I hadn't forgotten to get Piper's other ring; then maybe everything would have run smoothly.

But I have no regrets because I like how it is.

Here on the pier that holds another memory for me and Piper. With the view of Manhattan behind us. All that I await is Piper and Nicky, and unforgettably Lorna. There to witness a sappy Alex, probably something that I will not live down. But its worth it.

* * *

Alex asked me to meet here on the pier. I never had any details from her, but I know what is coming. I am relying on Nicky to get me there, so my nerves are only worse. In a car with Nicky driving is scary, her impatience with the traffic. Thankfully, I'm in the back seat and Lorna in the front, that eases the anxious feeling slightly. But on top of that is the nerves that I have thinking about meeting Alex and what's to come. We discussed it briefly in the cab on our way home. She only stopped briefly picking up phone because making me promise that I would show today and that I could trust her. Not leaving without telling me she loved me.

I feel guilty for jumping to conclusions, but I really did think that Alex was seeing another person behind my back. She had been quiet with me, occupied on her phone and her laptop and after a while I suddenly think the worse. I tried to question her about that, but she tells me all will be revealed today. I'm eager to find out, but excited at what is about to happen. The things that are about to change for the good. Alex has told me all that I know, I believe her. I know that she loves me, and I love her too. I lived in fear of losing Alex, that sparked anger within in me alongside the pain. But now that I know what it is, its something I have overcome. Or at least I know a small part of it. I trust Alex; I believe what she has told me and I am willing to find out the last details of all she had planned for me. One thing I do feel guilty about is that I ruined the plans. She reassures me, telling me its okay. Unfortunately, that doesn't erase the guilt I feel.

We arrive at the waterfront, I look to Nicky who gives me a big grin and then to Lorna looking more excited than I. I have no time to question what I have to do, because Lorna's arms are wrapped around me and Nicky is motioning in the direction of the pier and I can't see as far as Alex. I know that she is there somewhere. I wait for them to follow, but Nicky shakes her head at me, directing me to go on, so I do.

I look in front of me to see a pier lit up with lights down the sides, walking further down to see a trail of petals. I can't help the smile that appears on my face, I look to the side of me and can see the eyes of the few people around me watching as I follow the trail. As I near the end of the Pier I can see a figure leaning against the barrier, and a heart made of lights that I guess are for me. I feel the smile spreading further from cheek to cheek, but I can not contain it. The though of a sweet Alex, all this being for me. She steps forward as I get nearer, I am instantly greeted by her own smile as she places a kiss on to my cheek. "You took your time."

"I had a difficult time choosing what to wear."

"So it wasn't Nicky's driving?"

I laugh shaking my head. I link my arm with Alex's as we stand at the edge. Looking across the lights in the distance and Manhattan lit up. It looks beautiful, Alex has really thought this through and it gives me butterflies. She always argued she wasn't romantic but doesn't this just confirm it?

I glance to my left to see that Alex is pulling out a bottle of something and two glasses. Coming back over to me as she pours a drink. "Better than Malt Liquor?"

I nod my head. "I will toast to that." I take a sip of the drink, champagne. She really is making this special. I am full of smiles and happiness. It feels so good to be here with Alex, a dark night but a pier that is lit up for this special moment. Overlooking a perfect view and the perfect company. It's enough.

We embrace the moment. Sharing small conversation, laughing and joking. Sometimes it falls silence, but its nice. We get to share this moment together, another thing to had to our list of memories. Looking down at our reflection in the water and making silly shapes. But its all the things I love, it comes naturally laughing with Alex. Its not often that we share a dull moment, there is no doubt that she always makes me smile.

I get lost in my thoughts as I think about this. Alex and myself, how far we have come and what we could be. I can't hide the growing smile as I look down to the water at our reflections. I can see that Alex has turned to me. I look up, turning my head to her and I can see the nerves etched on her face. My smile drops from my face as I scan Alex's eyes. I think I know what is coming.

"Pipes."

"Yeah?"

She takes my hand, walking me away from the barrier. I look down to see that we are standing in the circle. I can feel the sensations traveling through my body, the butterflies in my belly. I look to Alex, her hand comes to my face as she lingers it there gently before brushing my hair from face and she drops to one knee. I look down as she takes my hand and I don't think my smile can get much wider.

"You asked for answers Piper. I'm sorry for being so stupid, but there is something that I want you to have. Your answer to all of the questions. One thing I want you to know is that I love you so _fucking_ much. I feel that it's the right time to ask you a question that I have been longing to ask… Do you want a top up?"

Only Alex can make me laugh in this situation. Romantic, but an idiot. One of the many things that I love about this woman. She brings me to laughter, but also to tears. I can feel the tears form in my eyes, I can see Alex smiling and a laugh that follows. She reaches into her back pocket as she takes out and box, releasing my hand.

The box is held in front of me and she looks between the box and I, I follow her eyes. I watch as she swallows and I can sense the nerves that she is feeling. Fidgeting on her knee.

"Pipes… "I simply nod at Alex, gulping as I try and contain my tears. Giving her the reassurance that it is okay to go on. "I love you Piper, and I can't think of any better way of showing you that then getting down on one knee. Which is incredibly uncomfortable, but worth it because of the view…" I push her slightly as she winks at me, smirking before she goes on. She opens the box in front of me. I look down to the ring and am taken back by its beauty, but Alex interrupts me as I look from the ring back at her. "I had this made for you to represent our love, infinity. Two worlds coming together to form one entity, will you marry me Piper?"

"Yes!"

I pull Alex to her feet, kissing on the lips as I jump and wrap my arms around her. She spins me around on the spot. Kissing me back on the lips.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!"

I place kisses on her lips, cheek and neck. Overwhelmed with emotion and excitement. She puts me back down to my feet and my hands instantly hold her face and pull her into kiss me. It's been a while since we have kissed like this.

She pulls back, wiping the tears from my face and then her own. Taking my hand as she pulls out the ring with a big smile on her face. She hands it to me, so I can see it clearly. Pointing out the text inside, "I heart you." I can not express how much this means to me. She takes the ring from my hand, sliding it onto my wedding finger. Coming back to kiss me as she pulls her way.

I look down at the ring. A symbol of infinity and our love for each other.

"I love you Alex Vause."

"I love you Piper Chapman."

* * *

 **Just to clarify; I am British and my American knowledge is minimal, I learn most from JT; I have no hands on experience with Williamsburg Waterfront or Colt 45 (malt liquor) – so no hate on mistakes lol – 'to be consumed in a paper bag.'**

 **Thanks for reading. I'm done for a while now. Back to the wonderful joys of studying; and vacation.**


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